The ability to enjoy sex and to feel sexual are strongly related to feelings of sexual desire. Low libido can take away any interest in sex or intimacy or if sex is instigated by the partner it can prohibit the experience of pleasure from it. Low sexual desire is not gender specific, it can be experiences by any one.
Some men can experience high levels of shame when reporting low desire levels. This could be based on the myth that all men are always in the mood for sex or they always think about sex. This myth might need some clarification. Male sexual desire is influenced by testosterone levels. Due to this biological phenomenon, people often think men can be turned on very easily and in every situation. Circumstances and mood influences are often not taken into consideration.
This lack of libido, instigation or enthusiasm could cause stress within a relationship or marriage.
Some women feel like sex is the last thing on their mind. Some wish the sexual activity to be over as quickly as possible once they've agreed to it. Some women still really like the intimate moments with their partner but would like it to be limited to those. This lack of libido, instigation or enthusiasm could cause stress within a relationship or marriage. Women's sexual desire isn't as dependent on hormones as it is on circumstances and mood. Women report to feel more in the mood to have sex when they feel connected with their partner. When there is a difference in sexual desire between you and your partner it would be a good start to assess what could be causing these differences and what the desired outcome (compromise) would look like. A difference in sexual desire can cause severe stress in a relationship as it might be perceived as rejection or disinterest by the other partner.
Some medical conditions or types of medications can have a negative impact on a woman's sexual desire. Examples of these medications are antidepressants, neuroleptics, tranquillisers, benzodiazepines, beta blockers and oral contraception. Some women experiencing menopause notice a change in their levels of sexual desire among other physical changes. Although it would be helpful to examine whether there is a physiological problem causing the lack of desire, the results of these tests are usually not exclusive and sometimes don't offer any treatment options. There is no medication to 'lift' your libido. Usually assessment of other factors that are impacting your negative levels of libido can provide more options for improvement. Factors to consider are depression, anxiety, pain, relationship dissatisfaction, time management, stress management, unfamiliarity with your body and arousal, restrictive/religious thoughts and negative experiences.
Individual treatment for low libido would start with an assessment of your problem and possible causal factors as well as defining your goals for treatment. Focussing on your process of physical sexual arousal could help discover which factors can produce a positive response from your mind and your body. Restricting thoughts or negative thinking patterns should be eliminated to establish a positive arousal response. Best practice is to gradually build your positive sexual experiences with or without your partner. Mindfulness is important in these steps: the ability to focus on the present moment, on your sensations with an open mind disabling distraction. This will be an important focus during the treatment sessions. To make these steps successful it will be important to learn how to express your sexual needs and desires with your partner which will also be one of the focuses of Sex Therapy. These steps are just therapeutic suggestions that could help you to improve and manage your libido. The treatment will always be focused on your goals and aims which will be the guidance for the interventions.
Treatment of a difference in sexual desire with partners will start with an assessment of the overall situation in which Selma could ask questions such as: How happy in general are you both feeling at this moment? Are you exposed to stressors or challenging situations? Is either of you diagnosed with a health condition or taking any medications at this time? How do you both feel about the relationship and the sexual interaction?
Answers to these questions will help Selma to understand your circumstances and the possible factors that could be causing the imbalance in sexual desire. Based on this assessment Selma will provide strategies or exercises to create more positive experiences with each other and sexuality again. The opportunity to discuss problems or doubts with each other in a safe and confidential environment with an independent third party offers opportunities to improve your communication skills and understanding of the situation.
If you would like to discuss how Selma could help you with your libido problem, click here to book your initial appointment.