As a sex therapist I discuss sexuality and sexual problems on a regular basis. For clients who experience difficulties in regards to sexuality I help them to improve their sexual relationship and overcome their sexual difficulties. However there are things you can already improve yourself that might cause your sexual feelings to improve without the need of intensive counselling sessions. Let’s focus on your bedroom and how to improve its atmosphere.
It is generally known that sexuality and intimacy are closely connected to feelings and emotional state. You might recognise that you will be much more inclined to be intimate when your mood is positive or when you feel happy. Your bedroom can support your mood state (or do the opposite) and help you to feel sexual. Without being presumptuous about the nature of your bedroom, I would like you to take a closer look at your bedroom and the tone it is breathing. Let me help you along with these 5 simple steps based on the 5 senses to improve its atmosphere and you will be surprised about the effects of these simple changes!
1. Improve the looks of your bedroom When your bedroom is quite messy with clothes, papers, fitness equipment or other devices it is challenging to feel relaxed and comfortable. Start with a clean up. Make sure all things that don’t belong in your bedroom are removed. Throw clothes in the washing basket or put them in your robe. If you have all kinds of small things scattered throughout the bedroom, get yourself a small storage box or basket and collect all of it in this one place. You can improve the breathing of your room by putting in a plant or flowers to provide fresh oxygen. Have a close look at your lights and walls: do you like the lightening or is it too bright? If so can you replace the light bulb for one with a lower voltage or a frost finish? Be creative and let your feelings choose the right decoration.
2. Make it smell nice The sense of smell is very important when it comes to attraction. We tend to like places better when we like the scent of a place which will often be registered subconsciously. Do you know a certain scent that makes you feel happy or relaxed? Preferably this doesn’t need to be a perfume as it will become quite expensive to make your room smell like your favourite perfume all the time but something subtle, not too overwhelming, just enough to have a positive influence on your feelings. You might like to consider scented candles or sticks. The suggestion of flowers in your bedroom can help you in this sense twofold: sight and smell.
3. Introduce relaxing music You could easily become distracted from intimacy when your ears grasp undesired and non-arousing sounds. If your bedroom is quite noisy, provide a subtle background music to cover the sounds of neighbours, traffic or other noises. Make sure the music is fit for the purpose. You don’t want to be in the middle of a sensual touch while the music becomes loud and disruptive to your mood.
4. Feel! Apply the sense of touch to your bed, bed linen or to your skin during intimacy. Does your bed support your body comfortably? Is your bed linen nice and soft? This might be something you have never really paid attention to and the thought to consciously pay attention to these aspects can be challenging but why don’t give it a try: lay on your bed and pause your busy mind and schedule for a moment and focus on touch. How does your matrass and pillow feel? Can all the muscles of your body relax with the offered support of your bed? Allow your hands to touch your bed linen and feel the fabric. Feel the structure of your blanket. Allow yourself to absorb these feelings of touch for a few moments and reflect whether there is anything you would like to change to improve your comfort.
5. Reflect & ‘taste’ your room You might think the sense of taste is more connected to food or consumption, but taste does apply to intimacy as well. Once you have paid attention to all the aspects mentioned above, have another detailed look at your bedroom and decide whether it is now breathing the right atmosphere. Has it become a place of comfort and relaxation? A place you enjoy being in? Does it reflect your taste?
I realise I have attributed these suggestions to you while you might share the room and the intimacy with a partner. So my last piece of advice is to share these ideas with your partner and discuss what he/she needs to satisfy their senses in the bedroom. Try it out and experience how your bedroom can improve your sensuality and intimacy.
Happy bedroom times!
1. Improve the looks of your bedroom When your bedroom is quite messy with clothes, papers, fitness equipment or other devices it is challenging to feel relaxed and comfortable. Start with a clean up. Make sure all things that don’t belong in your bedroom are removed. Throw clothes in the washing basket or put them in your robe. If you have all kinds of small things scattered throughout the bedroom, get yourself a small storage box or basket and collect all of it in this one place. You can improve the breathing of your room by putting in a plant or flowers to provide fresh oxygen. Have a close look at your lights and walls: do you like the lightening or is it too bright? If so can you replace the light bulb for one with a lower voltage or a frost finish? Be creative and let your feelings choose the right decoration.
2. Make it smell nice The sense of smell is very important when it comes to attraction. We tend to like places better when we like the scent of a place which will often be registered subconsciously. Do you know a certain scent that makes you feel happy or relaxed? Preferably this doesn’t need to be a perfume as it will become quite expensive to make your room smell like your favourite perfume all the time but something subtle, not too overwhelming, just enough to have a positive influence on your feelings. You might like to consider scented candles or sticks. The suggestion of flowers in your bedroom can help you in this sense twofold: sight and smell.
3. Introduce relaxing music You could easily become distracted from intimacy when your ears grasp undesired and non-arousing sounds. If your bedroom is quite noisy, provide a subtle background music to cover the sounds of neighbours, traffic or other noises. Make sure the music is fit for the purpose. You don’t want to be in the middle of a sensual touch while the music becomes loud and disruptive to your mood.
4. Feel! Apply the sense of touch to your bed, bed linen or to your skin during intimacy. Does your bed support your body comfortably? Is your bed linen nice and soft? This might be something you have never really paid attention to and the thought to consciously pay attention to these aspects can be challenging but why don’t give it a try: lay on your bed and pause your busy mind and schedule for a moment and focus on touch. How does your matrass and pillow feel? Can all the muscles of your body relax with the offered support of your bed? Allow your hands to touch your bed linen and feel the fabric. Feel the structure of your blanket. Allow yourself to absorb these feelings of touch for a few moments and reflect whether there is anything you would like to change to improve your comfort.
5. Reflect & ‘taste’ your room You might think the sense of taste is more connected to food or consumption, but taste does apply to intimacy as well. Once you have paid attention to all the aspects mentioned above, have another detailed look at your bedroom and decide whether it is now breathing the right atmosphere. Has it become a place of comfort and relaxation? A place you enjoy being in? Does it reflect your taste?
I realise I have attributed these suggestions to you while you might share the room and the intimacy with a partner. So my last piece of advice is to share these ideas with your partner and discuss what he/she needs to satisfy their senses in the bedroom. Try it out and experience how your bedroom can improve your sensuality and intimacy.
Happy bedroom times!
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